As my capacity to keep my heart open grows, my emotions
have become stronger. Seeing my partner wasting his life in front of a computer
screen makes me wanna scream “I can’t stand it any more, looking at a great man
like you wasting his life like this! ” I want him to grow and see his fullest
potential as I unmistakably can. “I love you and I want to feel you open with
me”. But then I realize that some people are not ready for uninhibited love. My
lover is a person who has been abused in the past and in need of his
well-established boundaries in order to grow. But as I grow too, the time has
come for me not to settle for anything less than unrestrained love. I want us
both to give and receive unconfined, unsuppressed, untamed love. The kind of
love which may yell and scream and cry and demand – without warning – because our
desire for openness and communion is so intense.
David Deida says “Everyone closes every now and then.
Everyone has their moments of laziness, superficiality and mediocrity.
Therefore, patience, kindness, and support are the essential matrix of a
healthy relationship. But some moments require passion’s intervention. Love can
be gentle and nurturing. But love can also be angry, when you are open. And such passionate love evaporates the
moment its urgency has been received.”
And he carries on “No matter how self-directed you have
grown, your feminine heart blooms when filled with love. When your lover denies
you love, then you feel hurt, and you close. Suppose your heart is wide open,
ready to flow with love, but your lover is unwilling, maybe even aggressively unloving.
Wounded by your lover’s denial, your vulnerable heart cringes. Closing down,
protecting itself, your heart hardens.
Your yearning is frustrated within the walls of pain’s
closure. Anger builds. You shout. You make demands. You express rage. And under
it all, your heart hurts, wanting only to relax open as love. Behind most
feminine anger is the deep yearning for love.
The masculine heart yearns not so much for love as for
freedom. The masculine heart dreams not of swelling in fullness but of finally
being free, liberated from constraints. One day, if you work hard enough, your
burdens will diminish. You will have enough money to do what you want. You will
figure out a grand theory and the problems will be solved. You will finish your
projects and no longer be constrained by obligation. You will know enough, have
enough, or succeed enough so you are no longer afraid of loss or failure. “
“The love for which you long, the freedom for which you
aim, is alive as you are open, now.”
Con mucho amor,
Tabitha
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