I am attempting to make a slow reemergence back into the blogosphere. I do know not know why, considering I’ve got nothing really of value to say lately…..mayhaps because this writing is only for me?
I don't think anyone still reads this anymore nor have I made an announcement to my (one) reader, but I think it's better that way. You can be my audience for now. So, what I've been up to? Lately, I’ve been reading all those ‘relationship manuals’ on the internet, in an attempt to decipher the codes of my own mysterious one with the ‘wild ocean-eyes’ man….Yes, that’s been going on for the past six months (part of the reason of my disappearance) and I’ve got nothing of major excitement to report other than a confirmation in my theory that love is a constant practice. Sure enough, we’ve had problems, and it hasn’t been an easy ride. Break-ups and make-ups and little drama here and there, to spice things up. And all through the rough times, I’ve been practicing love, staying open, staying connected. I can see what effect it has on others when you are truly listening to them and at the same time looking at the issue from their point of view. For starters, you understand them better. And though that helps, still the disagreements and the resistance were there. I found out that he doesn’t want to commit to me mainly for two reasons: my financial problems and because I might want children in the future. So at least I have deciphered the codes of the mysterious distant behavior. We know what’s bothering him, the question is, what do we do about it?
Well let's take the finances first. Lately I’ve been lucky to nab a job as a secretary (and much more actually) and I’m loving it. For the past couple of months I’ve been very busy and in a weird state between nerves and excitement . What I mean to say is that I’m trying to fix my finance disaster of the past two years and I feel I'm on the right track. It’s amazing what unemployment can do to your self-esteem! Not that I didn’t enjoy the free times and the all-day coffees, but enough is enough. I’m not one to sit around all day, anyway. I’m so happy I’m back in the working world, wake-up with a mission in the morning, dress nicely (and out of those torn leggings), mingle with people, be creative, be….useful! Yes, I got a job. Thank goodness.
Anyway, to get back to the reasons why a guy who –otherwise- likes me, doesn’t want a serious commitment with me because of the reasons above, I think we’ve sorted the first one-for now. As for the second reason, I honestly don’t know. Agewise, I’m right at the limit of having kids. But with all what’s going on collectively, and personally, I've been so busy to simply survive that I haven’t even thought about bringing a kid to my world right now. I can hardly survive myself! I know I’m pressed with time, but what should I do? It’s a big dilemma that’s been haunting me for a while and now with ‘wild-ocean-eyes’ man bringing it up, I feel like I’ve seen a medusa head-on: frozen! Ofcourse I forgot to mention that he doesn’t want any kids! Obviously! I wish I wasn’t confronted with such questions on times like these though, can’t I just hibernate this one?
Generally though, I think for the first time in a while, I’m excited for the future. January I’m off to London as we are participating in a trade show with work. Next spring we are thinking of trekking in the area of Jamsung in Nepal. My relationship is steady now after the latest hickaps (after all he called me ‘my love’ today) and – need I say this again- I’ve got a job!!!! And who knows what else is coming my way? So, Houston, all is good here.
Naff said…..I’m off to watch another episode of 'Misfits' and to ponder on what to do on my birthday which is in a few days!
Recommendations: I’ve discovered this inspiring South African guy who really lifts my spirits up everytime I’m down. www.upgradereality.com. Check him out.
Hm, I believe that is it for now. I am obviously procrastinating, but at least this was a good distraction.
love,
Tabitha
I don't think anyone still reads this anymore nor have I made an announcement to my (one) reader, but I think it's better that way. You can be my audience for now. So, what I've been up to? Lately, I’ve been reading all those ‘relationship manuals’ on the internet, in an attempt to decipher the codes of my own mysterious one with the ‘wild ocean-eyes’ man….Yes, that’s been going on for the past six months (part of the reason of my disappearance) and I’ve got nothing of major excitement to report other than a confirmation in my theory that love is a constant practice. Sure enough, we’ve had problems, and it hasn’t been an easy ride. Break-ups and make-ups and little drama here and there, to spice things up. And all through the rough times, I’ve been practicing love, staying open, staying connected. I can see what effect it has on others when you are truly listening to them and at the same time looking at the issue from their point of view. For starters, you understand them better. And though that helps, still the disagreements and the resistance were there. I found out that he doesn’t want to commit to me mainly for two reasons: my financial problems and because I might want children in the future. So at least I have deciphered the codes of the mysterious distant behavior. We know what’s bothering him, the question is, what do we do about it? Well let's take the finances first. Lately I’ve been lucky to nab a job as a secretary (and much more actually) and I’m loving it. For the past couple of months I’ve been very busy and in a weird state between nerves and excitement . What I mean to say is that I’m trying to fix my finance disaster of the past two years and I feel I'm on the right track. It’s amazing what unemployment can do to your self-esteem! Not that I didn’t enjoy the free times and the all-day coffees, but enough is enough. I’m not one to sit around all day, anyway. I’m so happy I’m back in the working world, wake-up with a mission in the morning, dress nicely (and out of those torn leggings), mingle with people, be creative, be….useful! Yes, I got a job. Thank goodness.
Anyway, to get back to the reasons why a guy who –otherwise- likes me, doesn’t want a serious commitment with me because of the reasons above, I think we’ve sorted the first one-for now. As for the second reason, I honestly don’t know. Agewise, I’m right at the limit of having kids. But with all what’s going on collectively, and personally, I've been so busy to simply survive that I haven’t even thought about bringing a kid to my world right now. I can hardly survive myself! I know I’m pressed with time, but what should I do? It’s a big dilemma that’s been haunting me for a while and now with ‘wild-ocean-eyes’ man bringing it up, I feel like I’ve seen a medusa head-on: frozen! Ofcourse I forgot to mention that he doesn’t want any kids! Obviously! I wish I wasn’t confronted with such questions on times like these though, can’t I just hibernate this one? Generally though, I think for the first time in a while, I’m excited for the future. January I’m off to London as we are participating in a trade show with work. Next spring we are thinking of trekking in the area of Jamsung in Nepal. My relationship is steady now after the latest hickaps (after all he called me ‘my love’ today) and – need I say this again- I’ve got a job!!!! And who knows what else is coming my way? So, Houston, all is good here.
Naff said…..I’m off to watch another episode of 'Misfits' and to ponder on what to do on my birthday which is in a few days!
Recommendations: I’ve discovered this inspiring South African guy who really lifts my spirits up everytime I’m down. www.upgradereality.com. Check him out.
Hm, I believe that is it for now. I am obviously procrastinating, but at least this was a good distraction.
love,
Tabitha
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