14 months with lots of agony and ecstasy and back to being single again. My choice - well I was driven there, really. I knew from the beginning how this story will end but I just couldn't resist getting involved and showing the way. From the beginning I had told him that I'll be with him as long as I was good for him. Now, I felt I wasn't "good" for him anymore. It is true that we've shared beautiful, precious loving moments together and I will always treasure them in my heart. I ve been a lover, a friend, a teacher, a companion, a partner. I've been supportive, loving, kind, understanding and feminine. And by "good" I mean someone who can take you forward, poking you gently and lovingly to always improving and becoming a better you, a consciously happier you. During our relationship I've been receiving lots of spite, resentment and ignorance, lies and unfulfilled promises. And I answered back by showing the way of love and kindness, communicated with awareness, honesty and trust. I walk my talk and I stay true to my values and most importantly to my heart's deepest yearning for reciprocal love and trust. We learn our lessons together and hand in hand move forward. But sometimes people need more time to digest all that and that's acceptable, but you can't stick around and linger too long, cause then you'll be back stepping instead of moving forward. And here we are now. And so,
our beautiful dance has ended and the music is silenced...
There comes a time in a relationship where you reach that crossroad of getting more involved or getting out and we were stuck on that junction for a while now, I felt.....and as he couldn't take any step forward, and I can't go back, I've decided for us. Funny how, one day one person is the center of your universe and the next day they are not even there and you have to reconfigure the whole picture of your life without them.....But having said that, I was beginning to feel like a furniture fixture lately, I think he was taking me so much for granted that he wouldn't 'see' me.....And there were many other issues, of course, as they are in these cases, trust being one of them. But what I wanted to share here is what I've realized lately that many men perceive commitment and taking the relationship to another level as such a bad thing. They come out of bad manipulative relationships with demanding needy women and believe that all of us are like that, that we are predators, out there to get them and their possessions, so they have to protect themselves and their independence, their
precious!
Here is what a friend (recently coming out of a bitter divorce) told me a couple of days ago when I was moaning about my relationship's loss of direction: " My bitter experience is that when a woman demands an upgrade of ‘commitment’ that is a physical demonstrationor shared resources –it is not about me the person – and the feeling of being puppet in someone else’s emotional and material play. Why I left my wife. A demand or tactic to force living together/share resources in an unequal financial relationship will ensure damage to any relationship worth having. It represents a warning to men that there are more (endless) demands to come, and that the relentless escalator of demanding and of endless further upgrades to commitment and status will surely follow."
Gosh! That is so cruel! When I first received his e-mail (and swollowed the venom...) I was shocked ( he later apologized by the way). The sad thing is that men don't start off in life being so harsh, scared and unkind. Its us women who do this to them and alter their psyche to no return, whether being their mothers, first girlfriend, whoever. Not fair on the rest of us though, the hopeless romantics and children of love who still believe with all our innocence and purity of heart that love will conquer all evil! You see, when women come out of a bad relationship, they believe even more in true love and trust even more in their hearts and in others. As for me, talking from the bottom of my wounded heart right now, I refuse to lose faith in love, cause it's like denying my true nature. Love is what we are. And that's why when we feel moments of love is such a bliss, we return home, to our true nature. We are one.
Lynne Franks illustrates in her own beautiful words what I'm trying to say here, so I'm quoting from 'Grow', one of my favorite, inspirational books:
"What most of us are either consciously or unconsciously yearning for is a relationship with another who will flow with our flow, mirror our dance, and, through partnership, create a more expansive energy than we can manifest individually. There is nothing more expansive than those special moments when our hearts swell almost to the bursting point for the simplest reasons - such as when you catch the eye of the man you love and you know exactly what he is thinking. Or when you spontaneously laugh at the same silly thing. When your partner is your best friend and you trust the deep connection between you, you feel both expansive and expanded by your love. It's as if you are invincible and connected with the whole universe on an energetic level.
A truly conscious, committed love is a grounded, courageous act. As author and psychiatrist M. Scott Peck, M.D., says in his wonderful book, The Road Less Traveled: "True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It's a committed, thoughtful decision. "
Making the decision to support another person on his or her journey of emotional and spiritual growth is an empowering one. Partners empower each other with their nurturing and mutual support, and it all begins with the courageous act of simply saying yes to conscious commitment. If you stay authentically connected to each other, daring to face the issues that inevitably come up, you'll enter a place of joy, peace and grace. And when you join with another and give of yourself wholeheartedly, holding nothing back, other areas of your life will tend to open up and flourish. You will not only connect with the person you love.....but with your full potential, creativity and purpose.
We all have our own journeys to take, sometimes with another as a traveling companion, sometimes on our own. Living our lives based on love - love for self, love for a partner, and love for humanity - will help us conquer our fears and create a world of light, peace and happiness. "
As for me, I believe my true love is out there and one day he'll come to claim my heart. But before I start dreaming again of love lost and found, I 've got to stop the tears from running first....
Con mucho amor always (on some difficult times)
Tabitha
P.S. A message to all abused men out there: Only love can heal your wounded hearts, but you've got to let it in and let the fear out....
