Contentment

This is going to be a short post just to share this: that if you stick long-enough to your beliefs and your values and don’t compromise yourself with the easier solution of the moment, then you’ll be justified sooner or later. We all know that, nothing new here. Is just because I’m experiencing it lately and it makes me very happy. I almost feel guilty being happy! But everything is going so well lately, I really count my blessings and I feel so grateful. Yesterday it was my birthday and for the first time in my 42 years of life I felt content. I was where I really wanted to be and I was – dare I say it? – happy! And now I understand why when you are in that state you can transmit that to others, the love, the open heart, the kindness are what attract people most, even unconsciously . But, back to me! Yes, well, professionally I’m finally in a job where I feel comfortable to be completely honest and I work for an employer who is kind, cares for the environment and supports many good causes both financially and physically.  I’m dating Mr. ‘wild ocean eyes’ who is starting to grow in me….the more time we spent together, the more I like him and feelings develop that I’ve never experienced before. And I’m loving it! I don’t know what’s gonna happen, for the first time, I have no expectations, no demands, I just enjoy the time we spent together and I share loving, caring moments. And that’s what feels great! There are no shadows, no skeletons, no tensions in this relationship right now, and it proves David Deida right once again, that when you have your heart open to your partner he/she will respond  equally – eventually. Which brings us back to the beginning  why sticking to your own values is so important. And it works!

This is what I enjoy most about this faze of my life, that I’m finally myself wherever I am, I am present and aware and I don’t drift to the future to avoid the here and now. I like my here and now and so I spend more time in it! Isn’t that what we all want at the end, to live a satisfying ,joyous life, now? It took me a long time to create my reality the way I wanted, and though I never knew what I was looking for, I never had a ‘big dream’ to chase or anything like that, I was a bit lost and adrift here and there but deep down I always knew that I had to follow my heart no matter the cost. And I did. And while I’m saying this now, I’ve got nothing to show for it, really. I’m a very average person with an average job and an average boyfriend, have created no wealth, no family, no fame. But, then, why do I get this feeling that I have finally ‘arrived’? It’s the first time I can honestly say that in my life, and smile. Despite my weaknesses, my smoking, my eating habits, my lack of discipline to do my daily yoga, my five extra kilos and all the wrong-doings I’ve done, I begin to like who I am, or at least, accept me. And as I know that no-one reads this blog, I can spill my guts out in my mini sessions of writing therapy, be completely honest, cause this writing is mainly for me to see where I stand in life. To stop and ponder, every now and then. I feel guilty for not being a better writer though, who will entertain you more with some humor, or at least make a better use of the English language by using idioms and even jargon every now and then, but that's not happening - obviously - and you, my only reader, are probably asleep by now, which is what I should be doing, too! 


Con mucho amor

Tabitha

A walk in the woods

Sometimes all it takes is a walk in nature to get you out of the rathole of everyday living in the city. Today I took one of those walks, and it was so invigorating in so many ways. Walking  allows me to think more clearly and while I walk I'm concentrating on my breathing and I try to keep a steady pace uphill and downhill. It's a sort of a meditation if you keep your mind focused on your breathing and your pace. You can feel the energy building up and combined with the clean fresh energy you inhale and the endorphines keeping you in a happy state, walking in the woods is an overall fulfilling experience in many levels and I enjoy mine every weekend for many years now. As I live in the city, I need to reconnect with nature quite often and so I love taking long walks on the mountains surrounding Athens and I highly recommend it to all the city-sleekers out there.....

love

Tabitha

Back on the saddle again....

I am attempting to make a slow reemergence back into the blogosphere. I do know not know why, considering I’ve got nothing really of value to say lately…..mayhaps because this writing is only for me?
I don't think anyone still reads this anymore nor have I made an announcement to my (one) reader, but I think it's better that way. You can be my audience for now. So, what I've been up to? Lately, I’ve been reading all those ‘relationship manuals’ on the internet, in an attempt to decipher the codes of my own mysterious one with the ‘wild ocean-eyes’ man….Yes, that’s been going on for the past six months (part of the reason of my disappearance) and I’ve got nothing of major excitement to report other than a confirmation in my theory that love is a constant practice. Sure enough, we’ve had problems, and it hasn’t been an easy ride. Break-ups and make-ups and little drama here and there, to spice things up. And all through the rough times,  I’ve been practicing love, staying open, staying connected. I can see what effect it has on others when you are truly listening to them and at the same time looking at the issue from their point of view. For starters, you understand them better. And though that helps, still the disagreements and the resistance were there. I found out that he doesn’t want to commit to me mainly for two reasons: my financial problems and because I might want children in the future. So at least I have deciphered the codes of the mysterious distant behavior. We know what’s bothering him, the question is, what do we do about it?

Well let's take the finances first. Lately I’ve been lucky to nab a job as a secretary (and much more actually) and I’m loving it. For the past couple of months I’ve been very busy and in a weird state between nerves and excitement . What I mean to say is that I’m trying to fix my finance disaster of the past two years and I feel I'm on the right track. It’s amazing what unemployment can do to your self-esteem! Not that I didn’t enjoy the free times and the all-day coffees, but enough is enough. I’m not one to sit around all day, anyway. I’m so happy I’m back in the working world, wake-up with a mission in the morning, dress nicely (and out of those torn leggings), mingle with people, be creative, be….useful! Yes, I got a job. Thank goodness.

 Anyway, to get back to the reasons why a guy who –otherwise- likes me, doesn’t want a serious commitment with me because of the reasons above, I think we’ve sorted the first one-for now. As for the second reason, I honestly don’t know. Agewise, I’m right at the limit of having kids. But with all what’s going on   collectively, and personally, I've been so busy to simply survive that I haven’t even thought about bringing a kid to my world right now. I can hardly survive myself! I know I’m pressed with time, but what should I do? It’s a big dilemma that’s been haunting me for a while and now with ‘wild-ocean-eyes’ man bringing it up, I feel like I’ve seen a medusa head-on: frozen! Ofcourse I forgot to mention that he doesn’t want any kids! Obviously! I wish I wasn’t confronted with such questions on times like these though, can’t I just hibernate this one?

Generally though, I think for the first time in a while, I’m excited for the future. January I’m off to London as we are participating in a trade show with work. Next spring we are thinking of trekking in the area of Jamsung in Nepal. My relationship is steady now after the latest hickaps (after all he called me ‘my love’ today) and – need I say this again- I’ve got a job!!!! And who knows what else is coming my way? So, Houston, all is good here.

Naff said…..I’m off to watch another episode of  'Misfits' and to ponder on what to do on my birthday which is in a few days!

Recommendations: I’ve discovered this inspiring South African guy who really lifts my spirits up everytime I’m down. www.upgradereality.com. Check him out.

Hm, I believe that is it for now. I am obviously procrastinating, but at least this was a good distraction.

love,

Tabitha